I am just going to say it. The last few weeks of my life have sucked. That is truly hard for me to say and to admit because I for one have always believed in thinking positive. I believe that life is what you make it. However, it just seems as though everything I am and everything I stand for has been attacked over the last couple of weeks. Maybe that’s what I get for trying. ..The thing that I find amazing, though, is how evil the negativity virus is. Once it got into my soul, everything in my life was affected. Suddenly not only the situations I was facing sucked but my whole life sucked. . my marriage sucked, I felt my blog sucked and I thought everything about me sucked. I was left feeling angry and useless and I almost gave up. All because I let life get to me.
So what. Yes, my Christmas was a shamble and New Years fell through the drain. Absolutely nothing went as planned. But those are just inconveniences. What I faced this week is NOTHING compared to what others around the world are going through. However even as small as the situations may be, life for some reason likes to pile things up on us all at once. I get that. That is what causes things to get difficult. When one block falls, they all fall. And after spending my entire week at home with sick kids and all of today with my son in ER (don’t worry, he’s fine) and feeling the affects of yet another kidney stone just after our catastrophic only insurance (which we just met our deductible) rolled over I finally gave up. FINE, I WONT BE HAPPY ANYMORE! <- That’s what I yelled to the universe, as if it really cared that it had won.
I am just a human. Sometimes I fail. Sometimes I feel like just giving up. And sometimes I do.
But this is what I am going to do about it because after some quiet time at 1 am and a lot of thinking I decided that I am not a quitter. Even if I wanted to be a quitter, I couldn’t be. I have two young kids who need me to be brave and carry on. They need me to set the example. So for this next year I am just going to try and remember that life will never be perfect. Things don’t always go as planned. This false expectation to get everything right in life is misleading. All we can do is our best.
So, while today I may look at myself and say “Your stupid for trying”, tomorrow morning I am going to pick myself up, dust myself off and smile. Because being happy is a choice. A choice that you must make every. single. day. You have got to work hard at it because contrary to what you might believe, happiness does not come naturally to anyone. Those people who you look at in jealousy for their “perfect lives” are not perfect. They fail, just like you and me. They face trials, just like you and me but what’s different is that they make it a point to move on and smile. You can do the same.
So I am going to say it one last time, not only as a reminder for you, but for me.
Life is what you make it. Just smile and do your best.