Do you know that feeling where you are just happily driving along, keeping with the traffic and enjoying the scenery, when you suddenly realize you have no idea where you are? This is the realization I have suddenly come to. Somewhere along the way of my beautiful life I have lost who I am. I am not sure when or how, but when I look at where I am now I don’t recognize the landscaping or street signs. Aside from that really great analogy, which I am quite proud of by the way, I am finding that I am really struggling with where I am in my life right now. Maybe its a mid life crisis thing, or maybe its just that my kids are starting to care for themselves a little more giving me a moment to look at myself and I don’t recognize the woman in the mirror. Either way, I feel a deep conviction to get back to “me”. To who I am inside and who I want to be.
I am sharing this with you today only because I feel that I can’t be alone in this. I am wondering if this feeling is something other mothers feel at some point in their lives too? When you have kids your life becomes not your own anymore. Every moment of “your life” now belongs to them and I think that it is common to loose sight of who you are and what you want. I can not say that it hasn’t been a beautiful drive, because it has. . but where do I go from here?
I used to paint. That is just one of the things I lost sight of while I was on my journey. I miss it. I also used to be outgoing and the life of the party. . now I can’t even find the party. Ok, hold the bus! I am going to stop right there. I am not going to get in a pitty party for myself! Maybe this realization is just what I needed. I cant go back, since I don’t know where I turned off my path, but what I can do is keep on going forward and start to pay more attention to the road ahead. I know what I want to be, just not how to get there and unfortunately I don’t have GPS for this one. What I am going to do is to start following my heart and hope that it leads me in the right direction.
To start, I am going to paint. I used to feel so peaceful when I had a brush in my hand. Maybe I am not the best artist or even know what I am doing, but I enjoyed it. Isn’t that what we teach our children? To follow their passions? How can I expect them to feel proud of themselves if I don’t set the example. I am starting to feel that I would be a much better role model for my kids if I am true to myself rather than trying to be the perfect mother or who others think I should be. Trying for perfection only sets you up for failure. No body is perfect, but everybody is great in their own way. So what is my way to be great? Not sure, but what I can tell you is that sometimes we listen too much to the direction of others and we end up somewhere other than our intended destination. So starting today I am going to stop asking for directions and start following my own path. Yes, it may be a rockier road and it may dead end, but what type of life would this be if I always stayed in the right lane? I want my kids to grow up following their own paths, so starting today I am going to show them how to trail blaze! Here we go!
Have you ever felt this way? What did you do to get back on your path? Share with us in the comments below.
<3 Dick and Jane