There has been something pressing on my heart lately. It’s something I feel I owe many of you an explanation for and really just something I think we should feel more comfortable talking about as a community. That thing is self-doubt.
You see, I have been affected by self-doubt many times over my lifetime. Although, during the last year this pesky little voice has hit me harder than ever before. Maybe it’s part of this pre-menopausal crap I’m also going through right now, but I digress. Either way, the stories of family adventure, travel, and everything I’ve worked so hard for the last eight years to build… I almost allowed it to come crashing down this year due to a crippling case of self-doubt.
It’s that pesky little voice in your head that says “Oh, you’re still here”.
As if everyone else in the room had a seat at the table and you’re left backing slowly out of the room, hoping no one will notice that you’d arrived in the first place.
And what exactly DOES it mean to “arrive” in this global space of online creators? Just because someone else is doing great things, that does not for even a second discount your own amazing contributions! But that little voice…it’s pesky.
The point is, I almost walked away from everything I’d worked so hard to create because I didn’t think I was good enough. I didn’t feel like I “fit in” and it wasn’t until I started helping my pre-teen navigate her own social issues that I realized, this is on me.
I’m Learning to Get Out of My Own Way and Bring My Own Chair to the Table If Needed.
After taking a step away from my site, I finally feel strong enough to step back into the room. Although, don’t think that this was a bold step that I simply decided to do one day. It’s been more like a dance, like a hokey pokey.
“You put your right foot in, you take your right foot out…”
However, by doing so, I’ve learned that writing makes me happy. Having a community with people I’ve never met, and some of you that I have had the pleasure of meeting, makes me happy. It would be really sad if I gave all of that up because I bullied myself into believing that I didn’t belong.
I Really Like Writing and Creating Videos, So That’s What I’m Going to Do.
I may not always feel like I fit in with the crowd but do I really need to? Maybe what that crowd is missing is exactly the differences that you or I can bring into it?
So, right now, I’m here admitting to all of you that I caved. I let that little voice in my head get to me. But because I did, I’m here to say to you that it was wrong about me. And if that voice is coming for you, it’s wrong about you too. Self-doubt doesn’t deserve to be handed all of your unique talents without a fight. So fight.
You belong. You matter. And you are always welcome at my party because I can’t wait to see what missing link you will bring into this space.
Thank you for being here.